Selfies: How far should you go?

Selfies: How far should you go?

I am not a great fan of the social media by any means. I am shy, in fact, afraid of them. For me, their disadvantage far outweighs the merits. one must therefore be very careful, especially if, like me, you don’t really have a good knowledge of it.

Better safe than sorry is my watch word concerning such matters. Until very recently, when I hooked up on the WhatsApp, I only could allow myself the luxury of the Blackberry Messenger. For me, the Facebook as well as several similar platforms were a no go area.

I joined Facebook and Linkedin late last year on the prompting of my son, who insisted after the public presentation of my book, Youth, Sex and Wellbeing, that they were my best bets at  promoting it. Even as I write, I am yet to take any step in actualising that. I can count the number of times I’ve visited both platforms on my fingertips, I’m only there when it’s absolutely necessary.  I only discovered in the last few days that I could actually be more comfortable using the Linkedin services, even as my fears of the Facebook has so far been justified even on the count of the hour.

On Thursday, October 23, after our Vanguard Women’s Roundtable Conference titled “The plight of women and children in the face of emerging Terrorism, which way forward?” Vanguard’s Administrative Manager, Victor Gotebve informed me that he had uploaded the pictures on his Facebook page. So, I decided to check the next day and thereafter, use the opportunity to update some of the information on my timeline too. The things I stumbled upon that day and subsequent visits thereafter have forced me to conclude that I am very naive or indeed a novice of some of the things happening around me.

The first headline that caught my attention was a posting on the currently running Big Brother game, directing one to click in to watch clips of the shower session of three of the housemates. My reaction was that we have outsmarted Multichoice as usual. Then, there was another link to watch a leaked video of a Nigerian undergraduate girl while strip dancing for her on-line lover. My reaction to this was, “are people still doing that kind of thing these days?”  Then doubt crawled in, the owner could be misinforming people just to drive traffic to the blog. Finally, out of curiosity, I decided to confirm. Boy, was it for real? The face of the young lady was not concealed in any way as she danced her heart out for the pleasure of whoever it was meant for before it hit the internet, her jigida or bebedi, glistening against the rays of light. Even as I pondered over the rational for this lady’s action, yet another link popped up on the same person’s page. This time, it directed friends to another link to see how a teenage boy shagged his sugar mummy lover and then posted it online.  Yet another link came up directing one to watch a school girl being pumped by her lover. Incidentally, this was quite dubious as it had no faces, only the sex organs in use were visible. This girl also had a set of jigida strings and a huge sense of patriotism as they bore the green and white colours of the Nigerian flag.

I logged back in on Sunday and the postings continued. There was another of a young lady who was being bumped doggy style and screaming on the top of her lungs. I wondered why since it was obvious that she was not being raped. This video however did not show the face of the guy and I guessed it might have been secretly recorded without the girl’s permission.  Then there were two other posting allegedly leaked on the internet by the girls in the pictures in a bid to up their clientele drive or to simply flaunt their impressive gifts from mother nature.

And finally, for the first time, I found the courage to see the hideous video of the torture of the two women in Ikotun area of Lagos who were alleged of stealing ordinary pepper. That marked my experience on Facebook last week. I intend to visit more often as a few other things also caught my attention.

I tried to analyse the content of the various links I viewed and several questions popped up in my mind. Apart from the pictures and videos purportedly posted by the owners, all  others showed only the faces of the women and not the guys. This as I have said did not seem right, unless, the men had edited themselves out and then deliberately posted the videos to hurt these poor girls. Should this be the case, why if I may ask?

For any female, prostitute or otherwise, it takes two to tango and you must have arrived at that level of undress through some form of mutual agreement or concession of sort. Even a prostitute does not deserve to be secretly videoed and posted on the internet for everyone to see. That is wicked and definitely not part of the bargain.

However, this appears to be going on every day and no one seem capable of doing anything about it. The girls too hardly ever report until they are forced with no other option but to do so.

Sometimes last year, a young, female, undergraduate of a foremost Nigerian University was lured into an apartment somewhere on Lagos Island by a 300-level undergraduate of the same University who also happened to live in her neighbourhood. She was acquainted with the guy and though she’d refused his love request, they had maintained a cordial relationship. As soon as she stepped into the apartment, he’d pounced on her, tore off her clothes, beaten her blue and black, then violently raped her? As if this was not enough, he brought out his phone and took photographs of her naked body. He kept her locked up till the following day and raped her several times through the night. Before he allowed her out, he’d threatened to post her pictures on the internet, should she tell anyone what had transpired between them. To him, it was the only way to negotiate her silence.

Frightened beyond words, the young lady could only tell her mother that she was involved in an accident on her way home and fell off a moving bus which tore her clothes and left her with several cuts and bruises. Naturally, they had cared for her and everything seemed alright until a couple of days later.

An older relative had called asking to speak with the girl and if she was alright. Initially, she had told the guy that she was until he dropped the bombshell, why had she posted her naked photographs on the internet! The young girl thereafter confessed all that had happened to her and took her parents to the guy’s apartment.

In his confession at the Police Station, this guy disclosed that it was his friends who posted the pictures and not him. He had only narrated his “great achievement” to them and showed them the “trophies”, he never knew they would post them on the internet. The other guys were subsequently rounded up.

If one may ask, what was this girl’s offence that she should be dehumanised in such a manner? Is it now a crime to turn down a love request? There are many women who find it very difficult and painful to even engage in mutually consenting intercourse, not to think of going through the horror of being raped, then being videoed. A real case of adding salt on injury.

But same cannot be said for people who wilfully take selfies of their naked bodies and sexual activities, then post same on the internet for strangers to ogle at. If these videos were shot by the owners of the blogs or websites they were viewed on, then one can understand the commercial gain to be made in that instance. It is no secret that the sex industry is a multi billion Naira spinning trade across the world, Nigeria inclusive.

However, what is to gain for the ordinary individuals who shoot self staring porn videos or snap naked selfies and post them on these blogs and websites? As one of the links said, the “Ashawo” Port Harcourt babe desired to max on clientele. Even if it is intended to lure men, must their faces be shot with the pictures? What will happen when age and use begin to take its toll on the body and the face has become known as that of the notorious wench? Hmm!

Everyone, especially those in long distance relationships know how difficult it is managing a relationship were the lovers hardly see each other physically. One of the common ways such lovers use to engage each other’s attention is by exchanging selfies of sexual parts, especially by the female.

Selfies are photographs or videos taken of one’s self by one’s self. An innovation apparently made possible with the coming of camera phones with front cameras which enable users to take photographs or shoot videos of themselves without the help of another. Depending on preference of the owner or user, two or more people can feature in a selfie.  Another advantage of the front camera is that you no longer have to strain the eyes through a pin hole to find a good angle for your photographs, the wide screen of the phone allows you unlimited space to perfect whatever you want to do on the camera.

This DIY technology in photography has however taken sexual acts and perhaps pervasion to a new dimension. Many people indiscriminately take pictures of themselves in various states of undress or sexual acts without thinking of the likely implications should they fall into wrong hands. The story of Anita Hogan’s published nude photographs still rings fresh in my memory. She had given her laptop in which the photographs were saved to a technician for repair. What about the story of a senior manager with one of the telecommunication giants and a married, female junior worker whose naked photographs graced the social media about four or so years ago? The duo had left home telling their respective partners they were attending a seminar in Badagry area of Lagos State. It took a lost memory card for the world to discover the kind of seminar they had attended.

The fear of internet hackers should be the beginning of wisdom for all internet users as information you push out there could be used against you at anytime.

Above all, the implications of this trend with regards to even legitimate relationships and sexual affairs are grave. The average lady, married or single needs to show great caution in terms of the kind of relationship she keeps and those she decides to share her body with. As with any relationship, you can only know your mind, you cannot know your partner’s. You can only love someone, you cannot determine if or how much the person will love you in return. If you must take pictures of your private parts, do so without your face showing. If you visit a lover and there is need for you to undress, shine your eyes well, you never can tell. A guy once told me he records his extra marital affairs to help increase his sex drive with a wife who no longer turns him on.
And should a partner start insisting on a certain sexual position or direction, it’s your body too, you can always take a walk!

Do have a wonderful weekend!