THE TRUTH

Is that relationship really worth it?

“After 20 years of marriage, my husband deserted me for a younger woman and caused me deep hurt”, wrote in Davina from Lagos. “He’d given me a big lovely card on our 20th wedding anniversary saying how much he loved me and how he was looking forward to the next 20 years with me. Yet, seven months after that, his torrid affair with a fresh graduate who didn’t want to be an ‘Outside’ wife was blown open. I later discovered that my husband had been unfaithful even at the time he sent me that card. Within months of his affair being blown into the open he’d abandoned his matrimonial home to set up home with his new woman in one of his houses. He had to use the help of the Police to eject the tenants! As to be expected, I felt betrayed and dejected and sometimes alone in spite of our five children.

“Because of the deep pain this desertion caused me, I have vowed that I will never put any woman through such pain if 1 eventually remarry (though I don’t think this is likely with five kids). If I am lucky to find a man, I would make sure he is unmarried before entering into any relationship with him.

“As I write this, I still hurt terribly. But that doesn’t give me the right—should a man comes my way—to enter into his life without ensuring that he has no ties. As a Catholic, I believe in the importance and sanctity of the marriage vows and it grieves me that my husband, who is also a Catholic, caused me to break those vows against my will.

“I don’t like to see people get hurt. A triangle of love and passion damages everyone —the betrayed wife, the cheating husband and the willing other woman. Any union built on the ruins of a marriage and at the cost of a spurned husband or wife is weakened by nagging guilt.” A lonely or needy person may be desperate enough to jump into an affair with a partner who is married; yet who amongst us would believe that it is satisfactory or preferable, to a relationship with a man who is also single?

“Women are sometimes tempted into having an affair with a married man precisely because he has proved his willingness to become a provider and having an affair with her, the man also clearly demonstrates his unfaithfulness and ability to deceive.” A wedding ceremony invites us all—and not just the happy pair—to respect a couple’s sacred vows of fidelity. We find self-respect by acting with integrity and protecting the marriage of others.

When a loving woman hears the word: ‘The truth is, I’m married”, she needs to respond instantly and firmly by saying to the man: “In that case, get out of my life and leave me alone!”